Nobody gets out alive
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate of dying.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and he won’t bother you for weeks.
If you feel blue, start breathing again.
Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Politics is the second oldest profession. It bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.