Everything you want

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section, buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you, buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it’s not quite as good as his mother makes, buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want, buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn’t care about football, and will sit next to you uncomplainingly while you watch romantic movies, buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet, someone you can push off if he snores, buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn’t care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally and perpetually, buy a dog.

On the other hand…
If you want someone who never comes when you call, ignores you totally when you get home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness, buy a cat!

(Just for the record, I love cats anyway.)